Bullying in and Around the Workplace
Maybe not all bad at work, but it can and does happen.
Work place Bullying
OK.. In what ways…
- Bullying from bosses, team leaders and supervisors, shouting, threatening, and even pushing you around
- Blamed for problems caused by others
- Your peers may bully you by making you job hard, and they are not helping you
- Jealousy because you have had a promotion, and people won’t allow you to function in your role effectively
- Loading you up with unfair workloads, and expecting miracles ten minutes later
- Unfairly being discriminated on because of various issues as in the list above
- Unfair dismissal, verbal warnings, or written warnings as a result of being “over-bossed” Threatened with “the sack” constantly.
- Being the constant victim of “office pranks” or “workshop pranks” that aren’t really a joke!
- Being gossiped about
- Cyber bullying on the ‘phone, email, over the network, or the Internet
- Sexual advances (sexual harassment) continue (either sex) when you have clearly stated boundaries at work, and are quite happy the way you are
- You are continually and always a “dogs body”, and no-one has any respect for you
The list can go on… but what can you do?
Some practical suggestions now follow…
This link here also will help… http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/ResolvingWorkplaceDisputes/DiscriminationAtWork/DG_10026670
Work Place Bullying In The Workplace
Another good resource is… http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/bullying_at_work
What to do if you are bullied at work…
Employers have a ‘duty of care’ to their employees and this includes dealing with bullying at work. There are measures you can take if you are being bullied.
Get advice
Speak to someone about how you might deal with the problem informally. This might be:
- Employee representative or Trade Union Representative
- Human Resources (personnel dept.)
- Your manager or supervisor
Visit your G.P. if there are any health concerns. Some larger employers have a department for handling such bullying issues.
Consider talking to the bully
The bullying may not be deliberate. Talk to the person calmly, and discuss why the behaviour is affecting you. Work out what to say beforehand. Describe what has been happening and why you object to it. Stay calm and be polite.
Ask someone that you trust, or respect to talk to them if you don’t feel that you can do so personally.
Keep a written record or diary
Keep a written record and copies; make sure that these are confidential, and safe, and that they can’t be used against you.
Consider making a formal complaint
Making a formal complaint is the next step if you can’t solve the problem informally. To do this you must follow your employer’s grievance procedure.
If it isn’t that straightforward
Go to the next management level up if it is your manager, or report them to Human Resources (personnel).
Take legal action
As a last resort you can take legal action, and even claim unfair dismissal, and loss of earnings if the problem is that severe.
Be sure to build up a good case with your documented evidence, and witnesses.
OK you have read this far…
What about myself then, fast forwarding to my later years…
I was a victim of bullying at school, yes primary, secondary AND work!
What did I do about it?
Initially I handled it wrong, and dug myself in deeper…
However I applied some of the techniques above, and gradually I came through it.
I have “taken stock of myself” now so to speak, in that I have realised that we are all human beings, and that generally we want the same thing!
To be liked, and to get on in life!
Something goes wrong with this process though, and we resort to other methodology to achieve the same result, bypassing as it were “convention”, etiquette, and the social accepted norm.
If my experience and age now have taught me nothing else; they have taught me this…
You need to stand up to the bullying, and use the official channels to do so!
Yes; defeat them!
Do not let them bring you down, stand up for yourself, (legally). You have the same rights as they do; and if it does not feel right, it probably isn’t!
A few other things that went against me, and may do you as well…
-
Don’t be “all trusting”, if your “6th sense” tells you that something does not ring true, then change your approach
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Don’t tell people all your personal business and leave yourself open to criticism and backstabbing
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Do not become over-familiar with people you don’t know well, or are not sure if you can trust
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Don’t talk too much
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Don’t talk down to people, and show respect if they deserve it
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Don’t gossip, or intimidate them
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Don’t make threats in return
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A “mild answer turns away rage“, so the Proverbs say by wise king Solomon – They are quite correct in this saying!
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Do Forgive and forget a resolved matter and move on to lighter things
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Apologise where appropriate, and necessary
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Do not “creep” to be accepted, do what you know is right
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Do be light-hearted and jovial in nature
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Try to smile in a friendly manner
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A good tasteful and appropriate joke or two will help smooth over things, and lighten up a “heavy” situation
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Do confide in a friend, or the appropriate people to resolve a difficult matter!
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Make good friends, and steer away from “bad association” as and when you can!
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Don’t let people walk all over you; be assertive at the right time, and in the right manner!
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Join a support group
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Be a friend to make a friend
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Develop self-confidence, and retrain yourself in this
- Don’t give in to suicidal tendencies!
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See It Stop It Report It!
I applied some of the above, and now I regard myself as well thought of generally at work, with few enemies, and fairly “down the middle” as they say.
I will say that my experiences have damaged my self-confidence; so I have had an uphill struggle to pull this ability up a lot more, including having the nerve to do this blog and have an online presence!
I have battled with shyness and inadequacies for years, and suffered psychological and social effects, drawbacks, and losses!
I have flashbacks to major turning points in my life, and often feel panic and emotions rushing through my nerves!
Indeed I have to constantly get a grip on reality and face life for what it is - a journey to be discovered, and there are a lot of good things in life.
Also I can thank the fact that I have a very supportive family and wife, and this has helped me tremendously!
Writing this article has also helped me tremendously, and looking at the page-hits on this article alone, I do realise that I am not alone in this, or with this problem.
OK, not everyone likes everyone all of the time; this is impossible (we are all different); but I have re-invented myself to always try to be man enough to sort out a problem whatever it is, and get the best solution I can in the end.
If all else fails in life, in spite of your best efforts, and reporting of it; change jobs, make new friends; build self-confidence (classes may help), re-route your life; re-energise, re-program yourself, and don’t forget…
Re-invent yourself!
…Just don’t leave it 25 to 30 years to deal with it like I did!
…Time is precious; life is short; so use it wisely!
Above All Else … See It – Stop It – Report It!
I hope I have helped at least someone who has read this article!
If you are being bullied at school, then this article may help…
http://mark-lawton.com/bullying-school/
I would like to thank you for reading this article.
Please stay and look at my “lighter hearted” articles if you would like, and “visit my sponsors” as they say!
Mark Lawton
Webmasters Earn Money Here!BLOG SITEMAP:
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Page 1
I was bullied at school (funny accent, too smart) – but it was minor stuff (verbal,exclusion) and just made me more independent and not keen to be part of the crowd.
But many years later – in my 40s I was bullied at work – it was devastating and it took me a while to figure out what was going on. It was very subtle and it was from a senior manager who I considered not just a mentor but almost a friend. She was very good at it – she knew exactly what she was doing but was very good at telling a different story to everyone – I confronted here but she managed to almost convince me that it was me that had the problem!
Eventually for my own sanity I was in the quite difficult situation of going to several other senior managers and asking them if their take on a given situation was the same as the bully had reported to me (and my boss) – after the third one expressed outrage and disbelief I had my sanity back.
There was only ever one solution though – I left the organisation – the only more senior level I could have gone to was the CEO and politically he couldn’t have done anything anyway. It was all hearsay and gossip – very hard to prove in court. I believe this is the most common scenario with white collar bullies. So my advice to anyone in the same situation – make enquiries – confront if you want – but know you will probably have to walk away.
Thank you for the comment Lis,
It just shows that we are not alone with the bullying thing, and that there is a way forward. I’m sure that we won’t stand for it now, and we are strong and determined to keep our heads up, and get stuck in now undeterred!
I wish you well in your “Passive Income Online”, and I’ll have to say that my site has taken off in a small way, and now ranks less that 3/4 of a million on Alexa, and climbing, which isn’t bad, considering the fact that I only really started to work on this site since late may this year, and that I only “mess about” as a hobby on here!
I’m sure we have shocked a few people we used to know on here before now!
Mark Lawton
http://mark-lawton
The Generalist’s Repository
Schools don’t do jack about bullying. I’m a 30 year old woman and had to put up with bullying from the time I was in 4th grade all the way through the rest of school. I was threatened with physical/sexual violence, pushed around, slapped, called names and even had school projects sabotaged. My parents would be at school all the time trying to get the bullying stopped, and this was in the 90’s. The school counselors were a joke. Nothing was ever done, but I was always told to tell an adult when it happened. I would come home with lists of things sometimes two or three sheets long.
My dad’s reaction after it went on for years and years?
“Well, YOU must have done something to make them come after you.”
That made me stop reporting the issue because somehow it was my fault and complaining never did any good anyway. I went through school hating every ounce of myself and feeling like I had no self worth. I thought about and still think about suicide from time to time because I’m unable to work, I have no self esteem and the sensory issues I have make holding a job impossible(I’m on SSI). I have problems with anxiety that I don’t talk about because to this day I still believe my feelings aren’t important enough to mention.
Right now I’m being cyber bullied by people from a cruel website I won’t name because that will just give them more ammunition to harass me. They will probably find this and use it against me. And once again nothing I have done has stopped these people from harassing me. They had my best pieces of fanworks removed from sites and I’m at a point where I don’t know who I can even trust anymore. I have a circle of online friends I know are “safe” but anybody new I keep at arm’s length; I never know who might be one of those trolls posing as a “friend” to get more information to use against me.
I feel as if the world is always judging everything I do, hoping I fail. I have never loved myself as a person and always feel like I’m not worth anything. I’m crying as I type this.
I. Have. No. Worth.
Everything I say gets twisted against me. Is my only purpose in the world to be a punching bag for every jerk who likes to bully?
STANDING UP TO IT DOES NOTHING. IT JUST MAKES THEM LAUGH HARDER!!!
Hi there 4mbrosia,
I am sorry to hear that you have had so many problems with this difficult subject; if you have any problems from stating your concerns on here I can remove the comments by your request if you like. However until such time I will eave them on here.
In the UK here, bullying is now taken very seriously, and it seems as your family did not support you in this either in the long-run.
I have had to make a lot of changes in schooling and career myself to come full circle, and it does seem that a trail of bullying can follow you through life.
Where I work in my trade, more than a few were bullied in the past as children; because “budding” electronics engineers were often “keenos”, or a “swat” at school, and maybe a bit eccentric and different at school as well, being a target for buillies etc. Often they were not able to stand up for themselves, and always the “fall guy”, and the butt of jokes, comments, and pranks, as well as physical abuse.
I can say now though, that I work for a great company, and a great bunch of engineers. My company will not tolerate such behaviour, and any problem people are warned first, and fired if it continues!
As for this cruel website that you mention, report it, block it, and spam it to your junk box! Set your mailbox rules up to return all emails, or to dump them in the spam box and deleted right away.
Report them to their service provider. If they are hosting it themselves, then block the IP address, and get others to do so.
In the UK we have The Samaritans… http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone.aspx
You can talk to them 24/7, which is where one of my next articles coming up will be about, if a person has suicidal tendancies.
If you want to talk to me privately by email I will be willing to listen to what you have to say.
Thanks, and sorry to hear that you are going through it.
Mark Lawton
http://mark-lawton
The Generalist’s Repository
Thank you for your kind emails, Mark.
I don’t think my dad meant it like he said. He’d kick his own butt if he realized what I endured in silence. He probably thought my constant tattling was the issue when it wasn’t. I can’t read social cues. I might have said something totally innocent that turned the girls in my grade into a blasted hornet’s nest.
Schools are so cruel. I’m glad at least in the UK it’s better.
No worries,
Always glad to help;
“every little helps”
Mark Lawton
http://mark-lawton
The Generalist’s Repository
We are doing a project about cyber bullying for our exam coursework.
We found your website and I think its really good.
We need to get permission to use copy right images, please can we have permession to use images from your website in our work.
No problem,
Permission allowed, and thanks already recieved by email.
Glad to help!
Mark Lawton
http://www.mark-lawton.com
The Generalist’s Repository
Hello.
i am doing a GCSE course, a portfolio about cyber bullying and internet safety. I was wondering if i could have permission to use your ‘badgirl 2-ihate you!’ image?
many thanks. x
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am year 11 student that attends Soar Valley Community College, Leicester and in my information communication technology GCSE course, I am creating an e-portfolio about cyber bullying and internet safety. I was writing to ask for your permission to to use your ‘Bad girl 2- I Hate You!’ image. Please get back to me as soon as possible. Many Thanks.
Leeya.
No problem! Good luck with your assignments.
Hi,
I’m a GCSE student and i was writing to ask if it would be possible to use your “Bad girl 2- I Hate You!” Image as part of educational purposes as an online safety project.
Many thanks,
Libby
No problems,
Glad to help.
Mark
Hi
I’m creating a cyber bullying webpage for my GCSE ICT project.
Could I please use your ‘badgirl2′ to complete my webpage?
Could i please use your picture for GCSE project i am doin at school?
Hello, I am doing a GCSE course and I would like to know if i can use the copyrigted images on my site, as I need proof to put on my sources table.
Many Thanks.
Kieran.
Yes you can use it Kieran.
Glad to help,
Mark Lawton
The Generalist’s Repository
http://mark-lawton.com